0 March Secret Agent #30

TITLE: Pendulum Heroes
GENRE: Fantasy

Melvin Morrow’s first shock was a pair of cinnamon-colored breasts that defied gravity. Melvin perpetually fantasized about touching breasts like these, of being smothered in their soft embrace. Now he had a pair protruding proudly out of his chest in a steel bikini top. The steel shimmered in the sunlight. He was too mortified to be aroused.

The second shock was the uigr. He erupted from the tree line on the forest’s edge, a caveman on steroids, as big as a tree himself. Concept art would never capture the power and tremendous size of a real one as he barreled down on Melvin. The uigr’s axe was crude.

The third shock was the axe. Its path was wild and angry. It found a home in the shoulder of the gray-skinned man standing right next to Melvin. Not a man, an aian, a being that, like the uigr, was complete fabrication moments ago. Aians always looked noble in the concept art, tall with angular features that stayed stoic as they struck battle poses. Not now, not here; gone was any sense of regal composure as this aian screamed in panicked, desperate agony.

Melvin recognized this aian as Cephrin. His best friend Jason Streible played as Cephrin.

The fourth shock was Cephrin’s left shoulder. It had a uigr’s giant axe buried in it. Blood showered from the wound all over the bearded face and gray robes of Richard Bates’ character, the human mage Razzleblad.

Melvin had reached his shock tolerance. He fainted.