0 March Secret Agent #18

TITLE: Bluebell Baker Sucks at Life
GENRE: YA contemporary

Polyester is the devil’s fabric.

I’m standing outside the gym with my back against a bank of freshman lockers. These are the worst lockers in the entirety of Watford High School. About as far away as you can get from classes and the student parking lot, yet close enough to the locker rooms to get a lovelyeau de jockstrapwafting down the hall.

The whole school is rumbling by like cattle at the feedlot. Shuffling feet. Talking, shouting, the occasional moo. And here I am, with my hands stuck up my polyester cheerleading skirt, attempting to get some rogue spankies back in place.

It’s the first week back at Watford High. Obviously, weneeda pep rally, right? Because I know that’s what was top of my mind when I thought about starting my senior year. “Yay English” and “This year’ll be great” and “Don’t drink and drive,” etc.

That all means I, a Watford High varsity cheerleader, had to bolt out of fifth period to throw on my uniform, scrape my straight brown hair into a pony, and tie the world’s most depressed ribbon around said pony. In about five minutes flat. Somewhere in the process, my undies went to war with my bodysuit, and spankies placement was a casualty. One butt cheek is peeking out, and the giant polyester spankies have wriggled into my, you know, lady region, and I have a spectacular camel toe that will really stand out nicely when I have to do a heel stretch.